Augustus' Toto

In my spotlessly clean bathroom, sitting beside an impressive stack of G-rated magazines, I have a toilet.

My toilet is not so G-rated. Proudly advertised on the back seat of this modern day porcelain throne, is the name of the company that makes this particular masterpiece of indoor plumbing: Augustus by toto. I see this logo every single time I make use of my toto, thinking, “Augustus. Hmm, that’s kind of a witty throw back to centuries and centuries of people who sit on thrones.”

An east Indian friend of mine decided that he needed to use my bathroom. Fine. However, the sound coming from the bathroom while he was using it, was, well, unusual and a bit disturbing - I heard giggling. I made a mental note to turn the music up next time he used my bathroom and to mention that it was a lavatory and not a laboratory. He opened the door all smiles.

“Do you know what your toilet says?”
“Yeah – kinda witty hey?”
“How do you know?”
“Well, Augustus and thrones, and it’s not that funny…”
“No man – do you know what toto means?”
“No.”
“Penis.”

Someone in the marketing department of Augustus by toto is smugly smiling right now.